​Dad: I just kept telling people I was okay. What I wanted to say was "I'm just trying to hold our shit together".

I could tell Laura was depending on me. I was trying to be supportive but there were moments when I just couldn't relate to her. I wondered if she'd ever be a good mum. I started wondering if I could be a single dad and then I hated myself for feeling that way. I felt like it was up to me to fix it but I couldn't. We needed help.

When the psychiatrist mentioned suicide, I freaked. Laura had never mentioned that to me but when the mental health staff spoke to her she came out with some really dark thoughts. I just nodded and pretended I could handle it. They told me Laura couldn't be on her own if I took her home so I had to get her parents involved. I felt like I was betraying her trust but there was no way I could manage her and the baby on my own. I felt like I'd lost my wife and Jake had lost his mum.

I was definitely angry and confused and sad all at the same time. It felt really unfair. We tried to be good parents and kind of felt we've got a bad roll of this dice. I could have quite easily taken Jake and left. After a while I began to see glimpses of the old her, the tension in her face started to go. We started to become a family again.

Current as at: Thursday 6 August 2020
Contact page owner: Mental Health